I can’t wrap my mind around everything that has happened. I’ve never been so sad in miserable in my life and I’ve been that way most of my life. This is so different though. I can’t eat or sleep or even get out of bed anymore. I I just want to turn back time or stop it all together. I’ve lost all hope and I just want my life to be over and nonexistent I can’t understand or comprehend how this happened. I messed my life so much and I’ll be alone forever. I know that now and the realization of my worthless life has made me wish I never existed at all. I hate myself. I hate my entire existence. I’m nothing just a waste of space. God please just let it end let it be over with. It’s one terrible thing after the other. I’m useless and unimportant. Why did I make so many stupid decisions? Why was I so stupid? I can’t breathe from crying my eyes are almost swollen shut. My face is puffy and hideous I want to scratch my eyes out every time I look in the mirror. It just serves as a reminder of how stupid I am. God I just want it to be over. So many hopes and dreams gone in a flash and replaced by longing misery and regret. I’ve destroyed myself and everything I love. I want to scream and throw myself into a wall and scream more and more until I can’t even speak or make a noise. I want to beat myself for being so stupid always so stupid. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do now. My mind races nonstop and my heart is shattered completely. Why am I so stupid? I deserve these feelings for being so stupid.

There’s no point anymore. Nothing to live for. I can’t do it. This isn’t a life. It’s devastation suffering and hell. What’s the point in even trying anymore when no matter what it ends in sorrow regret and loneliness. I just want it to end.

Just an earlier #ValentinesDay gift for me from the love of my life.β€οΈπŸ’›πŸ’—πŸ’πŸ’ The most beautiful #roses I have ever seen. Thank you for the #chocolates too! My bunny, my honeybee, my angel, my Prince Charming, the man of my dreams, my fiancΓ©. John Christian Ramirez Mills. I love you always and forever. Until the end of time. @jcrm4188

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